What do you do in a Catholic church while you’re waiting to get your picture taken? First you read the “In Memoriam” board whereon small plaques are placed for those that left the church some money before they went to the light. If you’re at St. Bridgette Church, that can take a while. There are a lot of K’s, Y’s and Z’s and not a lot of vowels. Next you read the stations of the cross and reminisce about your days as an altar boy. Left to your own devices, you naturally start devising money making schemes for the church. “How much would it cost”, you ask, “to insert my name into one of the stations?” If I gave the church $5,000, could the sixth station read “Dick wipes the face of Jesus”?

You’d need some rules, of course. Outside St. Bridgette’s, there are paving stones with parishoners’ names on them. Most say something like “The Ball Family” or “Vladamir and Natasha Krcyzkwcszkr”. But one stone said simply “Shake n Bake”. That may be OK for paving stones, but I don’t think anyone wants to see the fifth station read “Shake n Bake of Cyrene carries the cross”.

Finally, since Catholics are poor (shut up, you know you are), they could hardly afford to get their names on the stations. I think the natural progression is to sell those spots to businesses. I have some ideas:

1. Jesus is condemned to Death by Chocolate at Bennigans
2. Jesus buys new Christopher Cross MP3s from Amazon
3. Jesus falls for the iPad the first time He sees it
4. Jesus gets a catalog from Motherhood Maternity
5. Thompson’s WaterSeal protects the cross
6. Veronica wipes the face of Jesus with a Brawny Paper Towel
7. Jesus falls in love with the classic taste of Sonic Drive In the second time
8. Jesus meets the Dixie Chicks on their latest tour
9. Jesus opens an account at Fifth Third Bank
10. Jesus is stripped of His Old Navy Muscle Shirt
11. Crucifixion: Jesus adds Nailed to his Netflix queue
12. Jesus dies on the cross. Visitation will be at Hamilton’s Funeral Home
13. Jesus’ body is removed from the cross and Oxiclean does the rest
14. Jesus is laid in the tomb and covered by a comforter from Bed Bath & Beyond

Even I feel dirty after writing that.

Take a look at this picture: What do you see?

You saw a couple in an intimate pose, right?

Interestingly, research has shown that young children cannot identify the intimate couple because they do not have prior memory associated with such a scenario. What they will see, however, is the nine dolphins in the picture!

So, I guess we’ve already proven you’re not a young innocent child.

Now, if it’s hard for you to find the dolphins within 6 seconds, your mind is SO corrupted that YOU probably need help!

OK, here’s help: Look at the space between her right arm and her head, the tail is on her neck, follow it up. Look at her left hip, follow the shaded part down, it’s another one, and on his shoulder…
OH, SURE, NOW you see them!!!!!!

Thanks James

The thought has crossed my mind.  Not to mention it is good for the enviornment as well as my pocket book.  Then James sent me these pictures.  I no longer want a smart car.

I was visiting with my neighbors the other night and they told me their 15 year old daughter was playing Fugitive.

I had never heard of this game before. So naturally I had to look it up.   From my research I discovered this game is not like the games I used to play as a kid.

In Fugitive there are two teams. One team plays the part of ‘police’ and the other team plays the part of the ‘fugitives’. The object of the game is for the ‘fugitives” to get from point A to point B with in a certain time limit.  Usually the upper classmen are the cops and the lower classmen are the fugitives.

The ‘police’ are the drivers. The ‘fugitives’ are the runners. If a runner get’s caught by a driver he/she becomes a rider and therefore becomes an extra set of eyes for the driver. The rider also becomes the one who gets out of the car to chase the fugitive.

The fugitive must remain on foot. They can not use any sort of transportation. There are no boundaries as to how the fugitive gets from point A to point B. He/she can cut through yards, over fences, climb over roofs, run through businesses, houses, roads, woods, etc.

The drivers role is to capture the fugitive before getting to point B. The drivers and their riders can communicate with other drivers via cell phones. When chasing the fugitives the drivers must obey local traffic laws. In addition the drivers and riders need to stay reasonably close to their vehicles and they need to tag the fugitive with their hand. The fugitive then becomes a rider or they may be taken to point B to wait for the game to end. If the drivers have no room left in their car the fugitive may have to continue to point B by foot.

If time runs out any fugitive that has not made it to point B is then busted.  The fugitives that made it to point B are safe.  Once everyone gathers at point B a new game can begin.

Did I mention this game is usually always played at night?

To make the game more interesting the fugitives are asked to smuggle items to point B for points.  In this version, the bigger and cooler the item smuggled the more points a fugitive gets.  Items can be anything.  And I mean anything!  From a rock to a persons grandfather.  Like I said Anything!

When I was growing up I would play games like kick the can, hide and seek, ghosts in the grave yard and street baseball.  What in the hell happened to those days?

I know that sometimes I bitch about what a crappy day I have had.  Hell, who hasn’t had one of those day’s?

Let me tell you something, none of my days have ever been as bad as this guys.  This is beyond a F*uped day.  This is one of those days that will scar you for live.

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-V57AQqdF2w]

Thanks James